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Okwu Igbo

Ilu Nwanyi n'ala igbo

Traditional Marriage in Igbo land

Monday, 21 February 2011 00:05 | Written by Administrator |

Three great clans namely Imenyi, Isu Amawu and Oguaduasa make up Isuikwuato. Isuikwuato(Trinity) is synonymous with peace, love, unity and romance. Generally, Isuikwuato people living in the pristine area of Ala Igbo are distinguishable by their exceptional elegance, warmth and charm that endear men from all nooks and crannies of the world to seek them out for lasting marriages. But apart from attractive and beautiful enticements of Isuikwuato ladies, the women are cool headed, honest, respectful and understanding - impeccable attributes and ingredients essential for long enduring marriages. This is the impetus why, Osei Nzekwe, a muscian from Isuikwuato has a music inviting people to come and see beautiful people-"Kayi bia lere ndi du nma, kayi bia lere" Most families welcome the opportunity for their children to get married to reputable families as well the urge to to become grand parents. The young man is encouraged to secretly test his acceptance by extending some gift items and small enticing amount of money to the intended girl. Soon after giving the gifts, the emotional roller coaster sets in for four(4) market days(Nkwo, Eke, Orie and Afor) which are considered the yardstick that determines the outcome of the proposal. If the gift is not returned within this time frame, that is a testament that the girl's parents have given their blessings for the marriage proposal to shift to higher gears. The initial nod and acceptance trigger the next level consisting of investigative researches by the two separate families. The groom's extended family-“Umunna”( father, grandfather, uncles, nephews, cousins) swiftly makes a cultural visit to the girl's parents in a celebration known as “Nmai Ikutu aka/Nmai ohia na Uzo)-knocking ceremony”. At this stage, the custom stipulates, 3-4 gallons of local palm wine, 1-2 cartons of alcoholic beverages(beer), 1-2 crates of non-alcoholic drinks, 2 bottles of hot drinks. Also, about $20(N2,000) is added to the drinks as a "buffering" mechanism(contingencies). This “cushioning” effect is known as “ Ihizota Nmai”. This visitation is generally casual and meant for eye-balling where members of the groom's extended family can have a sneak preview of their future wife. At this gathering also, the food presented to the visiting party is meticulously prepared to convey the impression that the girl could cook sumptuously for her husband and by extension, members of the extended family. By the end of this visit, the famous or infamous list of items to buy(depending on who is judging) is presented to the visitors. Sometime, there is a provision to obtain the list after some money has exchanged hands(the stringing style of a section of Igboland not prevalent in Isuikwuato). The next visitation is the economic side known as “Nmai Ihuaku”-bride-wealth setting. This is the visit where the usual merriment of drinks, embellishing money, tobacco presented through the “middle man” are enjoyed by both families and their representatives. Towards the end of the usual socialization and ceremonies, the eldest representative from the groom's side clears his throat to demand the commencement of the settlement of the bride-wealth(Ihu Aku). This may seem confusing as it connotes “a buying and selling” settlement involved in real estate or other pricey commodities. But it is not a buying and selling affair. This practice is a traditional custom setup by our fore fathers before the advent of minted money. No Isuikwuato women or any Igbo woman for that matter is ever sold, otherwise the Western world should accept that their women are also “sold” and more expensively for that matter. In the West, no woman dates or marries any man without expensive and elongated regular dinner sessions and occasional expenditure in gift items. To top it up, men are expected to win women's hearts with gifts of ROCKS-The diamond. The main difference here is that the Isuikwuato woman lets her family to enjoy a lasting memory of her worth in society when a man is willing to follow all the culturally prescribed steps and procedures to marry her. It is honorable, respectful and enduring as opposed to a couple consummating a marriage on their own without regards to their family backgrounds. The semi-grand finale of visitation is “Nmai Mgbubi Aku” where the accepted Bride-wealth is settled(paid). Most of the time, the money connotes an advance payment to assist the girl's family in the last cerebration when their daughter finally leaves home to move out permanently to live with her husband. After this, in some cases, another visitation called "Nmai Ohia m akala-my efforts are bearing fruits" is done to fix the traditional wedding day. The mother of all grand finales is the traditional wedding day known as “Babe Ekwurola-the lady has accepted the marriage proposal” or in some places “ Igba Nkwu”. In those days in Isuikwuato, it was called “Idu Nwanyi la bani”-sending a married woman off with a band(bani). On this great day usually the happiest day of everyman's life and by extension every family's life, a great feast is given by the groom in a showmanship of happiness for his “catch” and the long drawn out wait that he could admire the woman all he wanted, but he is forbiden by customs from initiating any "ihe ndo(contacts). Thus the importance of Igba Nkwu" as a liberating excercise every man yearns for. This “Ikpa Nkwu” surpasses any high class wedding in Western societies because it involves a great multitude of relatives, friends and well wishers who are invited by mere words of mouth without restrictions posed by invitation cards or RSVP deadlines. At the wedding, every grouping ranging from “Nde Uke-girls age mates”, Nde Ogbo-her aunties, Ndi Nne-her mother's kindred, Nde Nna-father's kindred, Nde enyi-the girl's friends, Nde Otu-the man's associates, Nde Eze(the royal rulers), Nde chuchi(Church parisioners) are quartered in seperate recognizing units and entertained lavishly according to the cultural stipulations and the groom's financial capabilities. On that day large mounds of African Oil bean delicacy “UGBA UKWU” and large mounds of “AHU"-Mellon seed delicacies grace the occasion as gigantic cakes. The highlight of the occasion is that the girl would be astonishingly dressed and accessorized, her “Onye Ogbo”-her auntie who acts like her maid of honor would equally be a knock out in her dressing as well as a large entourage of a bevy of beautiful ladies escorting the girl and carrying along her presents from her parent's side to her new home. When the girl is within a sight distance to the husband's compound, gun salutes ensue. Then a live band starts to play with a musical song and rhythm - “Dulaya ebe dia- Mgbaam , gbam gbam, gbam, gbam-Escourt her to her husband”. The girl will be dancing and beaming with smiles as she dances to the melodious beat of the music much to everybody's hillarious excitement. From then on, it is non-stop celebration-the ISUIKWATO WAY until the wee hours of the night. Since Isuikwuato implies Trinity, the marriage rites of a typical Isuikwuato woman are most of the time perforned in triplicates as follows: Igbankwu, Court registry and Church Wedding. With beautiful, well mannered and home-grown ladies, which man will refuse to perform the "Trinity obligations to marry a woman from Isuikwuato?". Isuikwuato still remains the most liberal and understanding community where marriage procedures are for mutual cultural ceremony than an economic necessity because no amount of money can compensate the expenses to nurture these beautiful ladies of Isuikwuato.